[WARNING: This has absolutely nothing to do with aid work.]
Folks, it is that time again. The migration to NW Nevada will soon begin and for weeks afterwards we will have watch all the dust covered cars roam the Bay Area as they make their statement that they too became one.
Before you head out there you might want to read this little ditty by Violet Blue, SFGate.com’s Open Source Sex columnist. It might save you from having to wash your car and spend time applying aloe vera gel to those sunburned bits.
Making the e-mail rounds a few weeks ago — and sent to me by more than one high-profile local sex educator — was a snarky list of ways to “enjoy Burning Man at home.” The list included many observations about the experience, like:
- Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.
- Stack all your fans in one corner of the living room. Put on your most fabulous outfit. Turn the fans on full blast. Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of them.
- Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it.
- Get so drunk you can’t recognize your own house. Walk slowly around the block for five hours.
- Have a 3 a.m. soul-baring conversation with a drag nun in platforms, a crocodile and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell if you’re hallucinating. Lust after Bugs Bunny.
- Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of your body. Forget how you did it. Don’t go to a doctor.
- Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they have a lover back home at the end of the night.